Chapter 5 - Dublin

Chapter 5 – Dublin

He sat for several minutes, deep in contemplation. His eyes avoided mine, and I had to wonder if someone like him still had emotions, and what was going through his mind. I wondered if he was embarrassed to be talking to me about all of this, or maybe he was worried about what I would think about him. Yeah right. Like I rated that high on his scale. Without a word he began moving, strolling casually through the park. I walked alongside him, and I'm sure to the casual bystander we looked like a young couple out enjoying a beautiful spring evening. His voice was soft, his well-trained accent beginning to slip just slightly. I could hear the first hints of a rich Irish brogue peeking through, and it made me wonder what was going on in his mind that would cause him to lose that carefully cultivated accent he had.

“I was born in Ireland, in 1723. It was a little village outside of Dublin, though the name is one of those things I have long since forgotten. I was the third eldest son of 13 children. Much of the memories of my childhood, many of the memories of my life before are lost to me. Too many years, too much time lost in my own mind. Some of it, I regret losing. The rest is something I never wanted to remember anyway.

“My family had a small farm, we owned the house and a bit of the land surrounding it, and we all worked to maintain it. My mother was also a weaver, and she made some of the most amazing pieces. Though her work was simple, she was truly an artist. Were she alive today, it would be amazing to see what she could do with colors and textures.”

He glanced at me and paused for a brief moment. His eyes were shining with some untold emotion as he recalled his past, and a faint smile touched his lips. “Have you heard of the bliain an áir, Little Bird? The Year of the Slaughter?”

I nodded to him once, watching him in rapt attention, struggling to digest his words. 280 years old. Christ, for all I knew he was sibling to my Great-Great-Great-Great Grandfather. The things he had seen throughout all those years...the rise and fall of societies and times. It boggled my mind, just looking at him. “I've heard of it...not a whole lot, but I touched on it in History class.”

He nodded once, looking away from me, “Then you have a vague idea of what it was like. Or at least, an idea of the picture that History paints it...” his voice trailed off and he hesitated for a moment, “They tell you about the poverty, the dysentery, the children starving because the crops would not grow. But without being there, you have no idea what it was like. One of our neighbors drowned all of their children – it was a kinder fate then watching them starve slowly. I left, in 1740, to go to Dublin. I had it in my mind that perhaps I could find work there and help support my family. I thought if I could only make a little extra money, I could help them survive the hard times.”

His face was grim as she shook his head slowly, “It wasn't enough. My entire family died over the course of the first year that I was away. The last time I saw them I was waving goodbye and promising to return soon. My father, my mother...all of my siblings. Every one of them, dead. Many of them from disease or starvation. My two eldest brothers were hung, accused of stealing grain from our neighbors. It is a terrible blow to ones faith, to find that no matter what lengths you might you to, you still might lose all that is dear to you. The only things you hold precious.”

He paused again in his story, his feet leading us to a bench sheltered by heavy tree boughs. He looked towards the fountain, settling gracefully onto the bench, not even seeming to know that he was doing it. “I lost myself after it all happened, after I received word that they had all passed. I continued to work every day, hard day labor, and my life became an endless cycle of self-loathing. I would wake up in the morning, work until I was dead on my feet, go to the bar to carouse and whore, sleep and pray that I would not dream of them. Every day I died a little more inside, my soul slowly wasting away. There was nothing left in the world for me. Not in Dublin, not in the empty cottage where I had been raised. There was nothing, anywhere, left for the likes of me.”

“Until I met her. She was the most stunningly beautiful Irish Rose I had ever seen. Copper hair, emerald eyes, porcelain skin. To my eyes, she was perfection, a veritable goddess reborn. Wherever she went eyes followed, men lusted after her, women longed to be her. She was stunning and she was perfection. And she knew it.

“I began to dote on her, following her every word and action. It took only weeks before I was completely under her control. A willing thrall desperate for a touch of love. By the time I discovered what she was, what she did...what monster lurked beneath that beautiful surface, I was too deeply entwined with her to ever leave. It was exactly what she had wanted, a strapping young lad to do her dirty work for her. I had nothing left, so I gave her all of me. I had nothing to lose, except my life. And that was exactly how she wanted it.

“You must understand something about Vampires, Alexandra. We truly are monsters.” He looked me in the eye and I felt something inside me melt. The way he said in my name in that lilting accent made everything around me feel a little unsteady. I shook my head and frowned a little, making a sound of protest – I had a hard time believing, no matter how evil he might be, that he was 100% monster. Uh-oh. That right there should have been a sign that I was getting too close.

“Hush. Yes, we are monsters. Complete and utter monsters, no matter what you might say or think, no matter what the fairy books might insinuate. We are monsters, we are creatures of the night, and we are evil. We stalk our prey, we hunt mercilessly, and when we are tired of the game and toying with our food, we strike. And we kill. Not always, but often enough. We will suck the life and soul out of anyone we must. It is the way we have always existed, and the way that we will always continue to exist. Do you understand?”

I looked at him, frowning deeply. He wanted me to think of him as a monster, and was working damn hard to convince me of that fact. It made me a bit suspicious, to be honest. I figured eventually the truth would come out so I just shrugged it off, nodding, “Yeah. I understand.”

“Good. Now, don't forget that fact, Little Bird. Because the moment that you forget that we are the predators and the monsters and you are the prey, you lose. You lose more then just your friends and family who think you've gone mad, you lose your life as well.”

Yeap, that made my heart skip a beat or two. “Is that supposed to be a threat, Ciaran?”

He chuckled and shook his head, looking back towards the water, “No. It's a warning. You can heed it or you can ignore it, the choice is ultimately yours.”

I just nodded, watching him and waiting for the story to continue. He gave a slight sigh, rubbing at his temples for a moment before continuing, the brogue thickening as he lost himself in the memories of his mortal life.

“In Dublin during those days, the Vampires were on the top of the food chain. It is something that you won't find in any history book, obviously, but it was one of our most active times in that particular area. Like any predatory group, there was a defined leader. And in like any predatory group, there was always a plan to bring the leader to ruin. There were always those plotting the demise of the one on top, so they could gain the power themselves. She was the leader in Dublin, and she had been for many years. On top of being stunning, she was old and she was powerful, and she unequivocally held the city in the palm of one delicate hand.

“Teaghanne was vicious, even by our standards. She was brilliant, beautiful and vivacious. She could entrance a crowd with a single word and bring a man to his knees with a single glance. And she did, every chance she could. She reveled in the attention she gained through her power. It was her major weakness, her ego. At the heart of her was a killer, cold blooded and meticulous. Unlike some of us, she would often kill purely for the sport of it, just to watch her victims squirm. She would torture them and promise them their release, only to crush their hopes in the palm of her hand. She was the ultimate monster, and she was the creature that I could not escape. Even if I had wanted to.

“It didn't take long before I was her puppet, her willing slave boy. I would bring her young, unsuspecting men and women to feed from, and I carried out her business for her. It didn't take me long to leave my employ of day labor, so I could fully focus on her.”

He hesitated for a moment and I watched him closely as he seemed to struggle with the words, “I thought of her as my angel. Though she was cruel to her victims, she was always kind to me, in her way. I was well cared for, and I never wanted for anything. In my mind, during those first days, I loved her completely.”

“It wasn't bad, serving under her. It was hard work, but I quickly lost and squeamishness I'd retained from my life before meeting her. Along with the tasks I did for her, I became her confidant. After her nights affairs were concluded, we would sit together and talk, long into the early hours of the morning, until the sun forced her to sleep. We were lovers, and in as much as any creature such as she was can claim, I was her friend. Her only friend.”

I blinked and looked at him, unable to keep myself from interrupting, “Lover? You mean...you can do that still?”

He smiled vaguely, his mind far away in a land and time long gone, “Aye, if we so wish. Many of us use it only to get what we want. We use it to manipulate humans into loving us, into worshiping us. So many in this world will give themselves over to you completely, if you'll but offer them a kiss and a gentle word, and a caress to help them through the night.”
He must have caught the deep frown that immediately creased my face because he shook his head, “I speak of the sheep in general, Alexandra, of the herd you see before us.” he waved his hand once, still shaking her head, “If I thought of you as a sheep, as cattle, then we would not be here tonight speaking. Trust me when I tell you that.”

I just nodded, crossing my arms over my chest and frowning deeply. It bothered me that he was willing to use women – and possibly men – like that. I'm not sure why it bothered me so much, or why I hadn't expected it. I think I might have been a little bit jealous. He continued his story, looking away from me as his words floated from him, “She was hated, Alexandra. Hated, loved, feared, worshiped – all at the same time. Loved for what she could offer, and for the inspiration that her beauty could spark, for the things she could do for our city. Feared for the allies she claimed, the strength she possessed, and the many years that she had survived our society. And she was hated for the power that she wielded over all of us, vampire and human alike.”

“The others grew weary of Teaghanne and her spoiled ways. She threatened their very way of life with her extravagant behavior. We exist under the shadow of night, but Teaghanne wasn't afraid to step into the light and let the world see her as she truly was. You understand, it was a danger to them all. The Elder council convened under the cover of the light of day, and they discussed their options. It was decided that she would never willingly change her ways and that she would fight them to the death. To this end, their decision was the sentence of death...”

The frown on his face deepened, and I could see the emotion behind his beautiful eyes. Monster or no, he remembered the woman that he had once loved. He accepted what she was and what she had done, but he still loved her. Just as he continued to mourn for her, all these years later.

“It was a night like all of the others we had spent together. She sent me forth to find her a handsome young man for dinner. It was never a difficult task...find a bar, buy the drinks while avoiding my own and lead him stumbling back to her home. I always tried to find men that would not be missed...sometimes they were allowed to live, but more often then not, their bodies were found in the river. I had done this many times before, and I had no idea that it would be the last time I did it for her.

“They waited for me, and they followed me as I made my way from her home. It was early evening, the sun just beginning to set. When we were out of her sensory range, they jumped me. There were six of them, big men with weapons in hand. At first, I thought they only meant to mug me, and I was more then happy to give them the few possessions I carried with me. Money meant nothing to her, and we had it in spades. I quickly realized that I was not the only pet in the city, and that these men were as strong as I, if not stronger. I was overpowered by them, and they began to beat me. It continued for what seemed like hours, though they never allowed me to lose consciousness. For whatever reason they may have had, they wanted me to be aware of every little thing they did to be.

“Finally, they were finished. A few more kicks for good measure, and then they threw me at her door, just as the sun was setting. She was terrified when she saw me, and I saw her waffling between going after them and staying with me. My body was shattered and I was covered in blood, practically on deaths doorstep. I would not have survived that night, and I should not have survived that beating.

“She did the only thing she could think of to save me. She attempted to turn me, to make her in her image.”

His voice was quiet, nearly so soft that I couldn't hear him, though I was already straining. I kept watching him, feeling my heart break a little for him, “Teaghanne had never made another, though she was intimately familiar with the process. She had told me once that she did not want the competition. The process of becoming...is not a pleasant one. Blood is exchanged and an unbreakable bond is forged. The vampire drains the human, until they are on the verge of death, and then they bestow life again. I had lost much blood already, and I was unaware of what was happening around me. I vaguely remember her asking my permission, though she was already going through the motions. She was worried I would die before I could answer.

“As much pain as I was in, as hazy as that whole night is – I remember that moment in perfect clarity. Usually, when a vampire feeds, it is not just a matter of taking blood from an unwilling victim. It is a moment where both predator and prey are one. It's a moment of sheer ecstasy tempered by the pain and knowledge that you are slowly dieing. You remember the woman in the alley? She would not have stopped me, even if she could. She wanted it as much as I did.

“So she began to turn me. At the beginning, it was like every time she had ever fed from me. It was one of the things she enjoyed...she would feed from me, while we were in bed together. She said that I brought her closer to God. It was beautiful, all of the pain began to seep away from my body through her touch and her lips pressed to one of my many wounds. It...quickly changed, into something very different. Pain infused my body, something worse then I had already experienced. It felt as though she were trying to suck my very soul through my blood. I screamed and I begged her to stop, trying to push her away from me, feebly trying to escape her touch. I remember looking at her and seeing her face, stained from the blood I was seeping all over her expensive oriental rug and the tears that were running down her face. She didn't want to do what she was doing, she didn't want to inflict the pain on me, but she had no choice.”

He paused for a long moment, and I was terrified that it was the end of his tale. I was on the edge of my seat – terrified and horrified at what I was hearing, and disgusted at myself for wanting so badly to know his most intimate story. When he spoke again his voice was low and thick with emotion, “I saw the light then. They tell tales of what it is like when you die, and that is what I saw. Beautiful, warm light that filled me with comfort. I could have wept with the joy of it, knowing that I would soon be reunited with the family I had lost. It was all perfect, in that moment, and I felt complete peace.

“And then it was there in front of me. Her pale, perfect wrist with a thick cut running along ancient veins, coursing with blood that had seen the rise and fall of empires. She pushed it to my mouth and tried to force me to drink. I tried to resist but she would have none of it. She slapped me, shaking me – gently so she would not injure me further – screaming at me in a polyglot of all the languages she had learned over the years, demanding I drink. Demanding that I live. Demanding that I come back, for her.

“So I did. I didn't want to die, even if it meant my existence would only be a damned half-life. And once I started, I couldn't stop. I couldn't resist the taste of her once I'd had her.

“The turning process is long and exhausting to all involved. First you are drained by the vampire, and they must take care not to drink too much. If they do, they fail before they've even started. Then you must drink from them, but not too much or they will become too weak. After you have drank your body begins to die. Slowly.” He turned his head and looked at me, catching my eyes as he spoke rapidly, his beautiful accent coming to the forefront, becoming more and more pronounced.

“First everything in your body kicks into overdrive, trying to rid you of the disease you've been infested with. Your heart races until you feel as though it will burst from your very chest. Your blood rushes through your veins and through your head, everything screaming and on red alert. Your mind screams as it feels your organs start to first falter and then fail. You try to voice it, to scream along with your mind, but your body is already starting to fail to respond to you. And then there is pain, and it is a more excruciating pain then anything you have ever endured. It is more pain then you think you can handle, until you think you will go mad with it. The dead blood mixes with what little living blood you have left inside you, the two wage battle inside your body for leadership. It feels as though your veins have turned to barbed wire, and someone is slowly ripping them through you, inch by inch.”

I winced and looked away, unable to look at him, my gorge starting to rise. The thought of it made me ill, the thought of the pain that he had gone through, just to end up with his current damned experience. The thought that he could do it to another person made my head swim and my lungs contract in fear that I would be experiencing it all soon enough. He growled low beneath his breath, catching my chin in one strong hand and dragging it up, forcing my eyes to his as he continued, his words coming more rapidly.

“You pray for death, you pray for any kind of release. But the words won't come, oh no, you've lost control of your body and you can't speak. Your mind races, but you can't think well enough to devise a way out of the situation you've gotten yourself into. Your muscles contract and relax and you spasm and seize all over the floor. If you are lucky, you have someone to hold you down so you don't harm yourself. If you are really lucky, you don't bite your tongue off. You know that you are dying, and there is not a damn thing you can do to stop it, but you keep fighting it. Your body fights it til the bitter end, your lungs on fire as you struggle to draw every breath that you can. Your life flashes before your eyes, and you are reminded of all the things you did wrong, all the things you failed to accomplish. The harms you dealt, the beauty you saw, the things you will never experience.”

He stopped speaking suddenly, dropping his hand away from my face and pushing away, gracefully rising to her feet and pacing before the bench. I watched him, wide-eyed, unable to move, unable to think. He was shaking, the unneeded breath heaving in his chest. He turned away from me, but not before I saw the look in his face, the blood-lust evident in his eyes, his lips drawn back to show his fangs.

“And then, it is over. Somewhere in your mind you know that you are dead, yet you are still aware. You can feel your blood cooling in your veins, your heart beating its last. Your organs slowly shut down, but there is no pain anymore. They all grind to a slow halt. It is all over. You know that you are dead, but at last there is no more pain. If you are lucky you make it through with your mind and your body intact...many do not survive the process...

“They came at the end, just as she was pulling my head into her lap to try to offer me some comfort as my mortality slipped away. I hated her but in that moment I also loved her, more then I had ever thought possible. She had given me a gift, though it had come at great cost. But still, they came. They pulled her away from me and I tried to scream, tried to stop them. To her credit, she knew what was coming. And she knew that they had won. She never begged, she never wept.

“They killed her there, in front of me. A stake through her heart killed one of the most venerable Elders of Dublin, and one of the greatest Vampires of that time. They had been afraid of her and her power, and so she died. That is how our society works.

“They had no care for me, one way or another. I was given a choice. I could remain in Dublin and die like my sire before me, or I could leave. I would be given the education I needed to survive, and then I could leave and never return to the city. I could die and waste what Teaghanne had given me, what she had sacrificed for me. Or I could find a way to live with what I had become, with the monster that had been unlocked inside me. I knew that if Teaghanne had not been weak from saving my life, she would have been able to save her own.”

He shook his head and looked out over the fountain, his eyes surveying the people in the park. They were all laughing and smiles, living their lives day by day, never knowing about the world around him. The look I saw on his face then was one of incredible sadness and immense desire. “Of course, Little Bird, I chose to live.”